Secret Diaries of Dr. Victor Drankenstein Ch. 5: Strawbizzle Lemonizzle
As is customary on Fridays, I welcome you, the reader, back to the hidden volcano lair of Dr. Drankenstein and his refrigerator of terrors. I am your host for the evening, the one and only Dr. Drankenstein! This weekend I’ll be reviewing my classiest drink yet, Strawberry Lemonade Blast, by Colt 45. Does it, in fact, Work Every Time? Let’s find out, shall we?
Ahh, the venerable Colt 45. I love it, and you love it. Lando Calrissean loves it, and Afroman loves it. Colt 45 began life in 1963 to compete with the then-unopposed Country Club malt liquor, and other than a brief experimental menthol variant (seriously) in the early 90’s, they’ve been putting out pretty much the same thing ever since. That is, until Four Loko came along and showed everyone what they’d been missing out on. Released in 2011, Colt 45 Blast missed out on the government-enforced caffeine purges late last year and came out of the gate strong with four flavors and a shining endorsement by former Crip and current pornographer Snoop Dogg. Oh, and I guess he’s a rapper as well?
Blast is available in Blueberry Pomegranate, Strawberry Lemonade, and Raspberry Watermelon, as well as Grape. Nobody ever messes with Grape, it’s probably the most standalone flavor of all time. All were tempting, and it was pretty tough to walk out with just one. But since it felt pretty summery (and since I have other plans for Grape), I managed to settle on the Strawberry Lemonade. How’s that working out for me, you ask? Well….
You said it, Lando. This IS working. While maybe not as mind-bogglingly delicious as last weeks A:M Black Raspberry, this is pretty ridiculously good. And my initial suspicions were correct, it is way summery. I could really go for about five of my friends and some lawn chairs right about now. Or even a lawn. Curse this concrete jungle! But to be fair it was this very concrete jungle that gave birth to Drankenstein. Such is life.
Nostalgic digressions aside, I am comfortable calling this my second favorite thing I’ve reviewed thus far. Third favorite if you count the A:M Melonball I drank on Wednesday that you’ll never ever hear about. It tastes kind of like pink lemonade Kool-Aid, but instead of crashing through the ceiling at your creepy school dance, Kool-Aid man just shows up with some drinks and wants to watch wrestling dvds on your couch all night so you’re late for work the next day. Oh yeah!
A helpful tip if you’d like to try what Drankenstein is having but are perhaps afraid of getting too crunk, Colt 45 has thoughtfully made Blast available in 12oz bottles alongside the regular 24oz can. Now, normally I only see the bottles sporting a mere 8% ABV (which I guess is for kids?), but today I saw them in 12%. I’m sticking to the cans though, 12oz feels like it lacks commitment. But if you need to go with the bottles though, by all means do. Drankenstein won’t judge you.
Just kidding, guys. I’m judging you right now.