The Best of the Best: Wrestler Edition

As you know, I’m a big fan of lists. That is basically the only way my brain can process things. I list all Prince songs in terms of it being my favorite. For example, “Dirty Mind” is my #1 favorite Prince song while “Call My Name” sits lower as my 252nd favorite. I once made King Scumdogg make a list of all the reasons why he loves me. I know you’re probably thinking “There isn’t enough paper in the world for that list”. Yeah. That’s right. I can also read minds.

Anyway, I’ve been watching wrestling since I was young and good ol’ Scumdogg and I collect wrestling DVD sets. It was pretty much our first joint hobby and we ran with it. We haven’t watched as many of our 50+ sets as we would like but the ones we have watched have been awesome!

Without further adieu, check out my list of my top 5 favorite wrestlers of all time.

5. Jerry “The King” Lawler

Jerry “The King” Lawler the announcer is so different from Jerry “The King” Lawler the wrestler. Jerry Lawler the announcer is pretty obnoxious and in the late 90s/early 00s I almost lost my mind every time he yelled “PUPPIES!!!!!!!” But Jerry “The King” Lawler the wrestler is a boss. The bossest of bosses. He’s just such an unexpected badass. The man has held ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FOUR (holy shit!) championships over the course of his career and has been wrestling for over 40 years. I thoroughly enjoy his matches and I think he’s a great technical wrestler and has great charisma. When that singlet strap comes down, all hell’s gonna break loose! I also like the fact that he looks like a real life Buzz Lightyear. I don’t have much else to say about him other than he is awesome!

To the mat...and beyond!

4. The Undertaker

I like The Undertaker because of how he stresses each syllable when he says “Ressssst innnnnn Peeeeeeeeeace”. Seriously though, who doesn’t love The Undertaker? I mentioned this post to my all-female coworkers and every last one of them said “Ohhhhh, I love The Undertaker!!one1!!” He brought a “dark” image to the mainstream. The Undertaker made it cool to be a goth kid. Not that I was a goth kid but I think it became more acceptable on that level.

His technical ability, especially his big man acrobatics, are unparalleled. He is the reason why most of the gimmick matches exit today (See: Casket Match, Buried Alive Match, Hell in a Cell and Last Ride Match). The Undertaker is legitimately scary. He  is one of the great innovators in the WWF (yeah, see what I did there? Take THAT World Wildlife Fund!) and a true badass. Although his taste in music is probably more like “uncool dad who likes Nickelback”, the persona that he presents to his fans will never be duplicated.

3. Jeff Hardy

I would go to my friend Ashley’s house for all of the PPVs when I was younger. One time I made a sign that said “Jeff Hardy, will you marry me?” I held that up IN HER LIVING ROOM as he came out to the ring…*shakes head*. 14-year-old me thought that Jeff Hardy was irresistible. What was I thinking? In any case, Jeff Hardy’s talent is undeniable. He puts his body on the line week after week and can leave an audience in awe. The man can do anything. If you don’t think it’s possible, Jeff Hardy will prove you wrong.

In recent years he’s fallen on hard times, losing contracts with WWE and TNA due to troubles in 2008 stemming from public intoxication and a 2009 arrest on charges of trafficking in controlled prescription pills and possession of anabolic steroids. I can’t help but feel bad for the guy because he is still quite young at 34 and so indubitably talented. Hardy is currently with TNA and the number 1 contender for the NA World Heavyweight Championship.

You might think that Jeff Hardy is too high on this list. But the Hardy Boyz/Edge & Christian ladder match from No Mercy 1999 sticks out in my head as one of the best matches I’ve ever seen. Kudos to all the guys in that match but damn…Jeff Hardy…man of the hour fo’ sho. Or how about moments like Jeff Hardy jumped off Elimination Chamber or Jeff Hardy jumped off ladder onto Bubba Ray Dudley and crashed through table at Wrestlemania 16? Jeff Hardy swanton bomb off Titantron? What about Jeff Hardy jumped off everything and lived to tell the tale? Jeff Hardy is one of the true risk takers and high flyers and I have a lot of respect for him. Check out this Jeff Hardy highlights reel. Enjoy!

2. Shane McMahon

You might be asking yourself why on earth is Shane McMahon so high on this list. Shane McMahon appeals to me in much of the same way that Jeff Hardy does. The guy has got, to quote his pops, cajones the size of grapefruits. Shane could have remained a referee or maybe stayed behind the scenes cutting payroll checks but he just couldn’t. He’s got charisma and style and a hell of a lot of heart. Shane has been on the receiving end of some of the most outrageous things I’ve ever seen. He’s laid his body on the line, joining Jeff Hardy in the Jumped Off the Titantron Club. Shane can dance with the big boys and has no fear. Shane is the best non-wrestler wrestler. Plus, his theme song is amazing. Who knew that the Mean Street Posse would bring me one of my favorite wrestlers? Sweater vests, anyone?

1. Mr. Perfect

Oh, Curt Hennig. How I love you! Mr. Perfect was the perfect heel and the perfect face. He toggled between the two so frequently. But how could you hate him? Curt Hennig was a wrestler’s wrestler. He had the physique of a wrestler, perfect blond hair, the ability to bowl a perfect game, and he could catch his own pass on the football field. His vignettes were always entertaining, his interviews were enjoyable and his matches were of the highest caliber. At 6’3″, he mastered moves that were normally left to the smaller guys and was one of the most graceful guys on the mat. Hennig’s Mr. Perfect persona made its WWF debut in 1988 and went on to go undefeated for over a year. He was injured in the early 90s which led to a commentary position backed up by his cocky ego and confidence in his perfection. It was an absolutely perfect combination. He was a “Perfect Friend“, buddy system style. (RIP Macho Man – we will never know what you mean by that).

Suggested Viewing:

The Life and Times of Mr. Perfect

The Best of Saturday Night’s Main Event

Raw “The Beginning”: The Best of Seasons 1 & 2

Tombstone: The History of the Undertaker

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About Christine Pyles

I have an unhealthy obsession with Prince, The Artist, The Purple One. You know who I'm talkin' 'bout. I have a shaved head and I like being dudes with hair for Halloween. My nerd claim to fame is my love of Thor, The Wire, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and that I am the human version of C-3PO. Follow me on Twitter - @XineSoundclash. I'm real funny.

Posted on December 30, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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