Thrift Store Adventures Volume 1: Only in America
In the past week, I’ve been to more thrift stores than some people have gone to in an entire lifetime, and here are seven things I learned:
1. Saw Clocks. Everywhere.
What in tarnation is a saw clock? Admittedly, I bought this clock less than a week ago because I’d never seen anything like this before and it amused me greatly. The deer painting really drove home the phrase “God Bless America” in a way that is patriotic in spite of all the loonies in this country. So picture me the proud owner of my very own saw clock until earlier today, when I happened upon a second saw clock, but this time it didn’t have no silly horse painted on it, neither. Sure, it was cheap looking and you’d have to drill a hole in it just to use it, but it sure beat my manly deer clock. Thanks.
2. Marilyn Monroe: Body Builder
Photographer Philippe Halsman saw a world where Rocky was female, and it was good. I’m not really a historian, but I would have thought that somewhere along the way, I would have seen this photograph at some point, be it in a gym or online at least. What happened, Internet?
3. At one point, Rosalie loved Rich
In a way, stuff like this is the unfortunate side of thrift stores. Sure, it’s a perfectly good table or wood stand or whatever it was, I just saw it on the way out the door and couldn’t resist saying “Not any more!”, but stuff like this and family albums with baby photos left inside the albums just should not be inside a thrift store, let alone sold at all. (Hey, give me back my soap box, I’ll get back to the funnies in a minute.)
4. Hey Bulldogg
Only in America is there a store where you can walk in and unintentionally see a giant stuffed bulldog for sale. Not just one store, mind you, but an entire genre of stores. You can’t even get that kind of purely random experience online.
5. You can experience the movie Inception in real life
This miniature ball was one part creepy and one part cool. It’s like some sort of ball that was carved into a ball that was carved into a call that was carved into a ball. If I would have thought to take a video of what we saw there, it may have just broken the Internet.
6. Ever wondered what three busts of Albert Einstein would look like?
The one in the middle is minus a mustache, which means they might have also been the three statues in Final Fantasy 6: Demon, Goddess, and Fiend. Also: (He stares into your soul.)³
7. There are silver Batmobiles.
No, this is actually a “Silver Duesenberg” Oland bottle of after shave by Avon. Whatever, it’s still a pimpin’ Batmobile.
A desklamp I saw branded “Kong Lite: A Name You Can Trust.” Just don’t trust them on how to spell light, okay?