EarthBound Arriving on Wii U Virtual Console Later This Year
At 10:47AM this morning, I got a text message from a friend of mine saying “on a side note, Nintendo just announced EarthBound for the Wii U Virtual Console.” I’ve known people that have waited over thirteen years for this news, from all the way back in the days of the Nintendo 64, so for those of you who haven’t played EarthBound or haven’t played it in a while, I figured now would be the perfect time to cover what my favorite part of the SNES era was: the dialogue. As I grew older, I started to appreciate the art of writing, I believe, in part because of the dialogue in EarthBound and other SNES games. There’s a certain art and character to dialogue, and who knows, maybe I wouldn’t be a writer today without these games introducing me to a whole world of literacy. Let’s check out some dialogue from EarthBound and nine other RPG-type games that aren’t EarthBound, as a fun retrospective:
• Dog: (You’re fantastic… you even take time to talk to animals.)
• Mr. T Lookalike: What? [plot event] That’s crap! Don’t believe it.
• Man in Car: I always see you walking around. Walking is good for your health.
• Celebrity’s Mom: I got a letter from my daughter. She wants me to see her next show. A book of photographs of her is coming out soon. I really open she kept her clothes on… Times have sure changed…
• Person Behind Door: Peanuts, Walnuts… Hazelnuts… Pecans… Macadamia nuts… Cashews… Almonds… Giant Pine Nuts… Pine Nuts… Sun Flower Seeds… Pumpkin Seeds… Pistachios… Which one do you like? [Yes or No dialogue] I asked you “Which one do you like?”…
• Zombie: (He stares into your soul.)
• Middle-Aged Man: We won because of our brains, guts, and togetherness. Wow! What a rush!
• Woman: Since the tunnel was cleared, many cars have started driving through it. It’s incredibly noisy.
• Man: It became really quite peaceful compared to before.
• Person Behind Door: I’m not sure who you are, but congratulations!
• Mr. Saturn: I do what I say… Cross heart…
• Mr. Saturn: I think new things… Different things… From now…
• Drunk Man: Hic! I’m fine. Hic! I’m not drinking the… hic! I hate these hiccups… Yes, they’re… hic! Another cappucino here! Hic!
• Bread Store Owner: Bread in this town has a very plain, nondescript flavor to it. To tell you the truth, I’m the owner of this bakery.
• Mr. T Lookalike: I was thinking “There’s a tight wad born every minute…”
• Poor Man: I’m very punctual about time and careful with money. I don’t look like it, though.
• Saxophonist: You’re very young, but you brought something very precious back to the people in this town. Thank you.
• Man Inside Winters Store: Is it cold outside?
• Vacationing Woman: Forget about the adventure, come back again!
• Vacationing Man: Don’t get too excited about this town. It’s a tourist trap. Everyone seems to be nice, but they’re just going it for the money. I know from experience.
• Man in Car: Hey, hey!! Stop putting your grimy fingerprints all over my car, you little punk!
• Man in Club Stoic: Didactically speaking, seminal evidence seems to explicate the fact that your repudiation of entropy supports my theory of space-time synthesis. Of this, I am irrefutably confident.
• Woman in Club Stoic: Mmmmm. I think it’s a very complicated issue. ….. Oh, sorry! I was sleeping…
• Monk: What’s the difference between “existing” and “exiting” …..Nothing? Mmmmm Mmmmm
• Creature: I’m a woman. Did you think I was a man?
• Enlightened Woman: This mysterious sapling… Maybe someday it will help change our environment?
• Earthbound Man: Gotta seize the day!
• Multiple Townsfolk: Peace at least, thanks to the Hero! Hurrah for the Hero! Hurrah for Guardia!
• Citizen: [Plot event]. Now that it’s safe I’m enjoying my lemonade! Vitamin C builds strong bodies!
• Citizen: Let’s wage peace from now on!
• Citizen: What a happy occasion! Let’s get crazy!
• Citizen: Don’t overdo it!
• Cook: If only I had some Jerky… What a great meal I could make…
• Gato: They call me Gato ♪ I have metal joints ♪ Beat me up ♪ And earn 15 Silver points ♪ [Battle] I lost ♪ You won ♪ Here’s 15 Points ♪ Now wasn’t that fun!? ♪
• Woman: Some monsters coexist with humans. Like that piano player.
• Monster: I’m the piano man ♪ [Option 1] Play a sad one, Joe! [Option 2] Something upbeat, please!
• Woman: But I haven’t given up. This child, and this seed are still growing.
Final Fantasy 4
• Woman in Bar: It’s very peaceful here in the this village except for those earthquakes we sometimes have here.
• Old Man: What? Our ancestors? How did they come here? Let me see, that is… Mmm…… I forgot.
• Child: It’s because of my dwarf blood that I’m so short. I wish I had an ogrish one.
• Citizen: I am glad to see you are so brave and right!
• Citizen: This doesn’t mean that I’ve forgiven you!
• Citizen: We will trust you!
• Citizen: You can’t swim with such armor on! It’ll rust!
• Soldier: Toroia is ruled by women. Troops and soldiers are all women, too! Me? Of course!
• Minister: I’m not an old maid. I’m the minister! The eight Clerics are inside.
• Soldier: I like this place better than any place else!
Final Fantasy 6
• Old Woman: I’m hiding away from Kefka.
• Kid: You took one look at me and thought I was a loser, right? You’re obligated to buy from me, now!
• Multiple People: After [plot event], I awoke all alone in Doma Castle. When I would try to sleep there, demons would come for me… Oh! I don’t want to remember that!
• Citizen: There are monsters inside! They keep petrifying everyone who goes in to help. You using suitable Relics? [You using Term Life Insurance?]
• Sabin: But of course! You think a minor thing like the end of the world was gonna do me in?
• Citizen: Many monsters nowadays attack with “Zombie”, Petrify” and the like. Have you equipped suitable Relics?
• Citizen: I was on lookout duty for Kefka.. But I lost my nerve…
• Citizen: A Knight came through here recently… He was amazing! But his heart was full of chaos… When he can cope with his pain, he’ll be the mightiest warrior alive.
• Citizen: A spell ago, some oddball came strolling through here. Kept callin’ people “thou.”
• Citizen: You know that guy in Zozo who says, “This place is dangerous!”? He’s the only one guy in that town who tells the truth. Maybe he can help you.
• Observing a chicken statue: I [sic] looks like an ornament of a chicken but what is it? It interests me.
• Midwife: You won’t die without money. Money is not necessary to live a full life.
• Drunkard: Ah, you! Working too hard is not good for your health, you know.
• Ellen: It’s hard to shovel snow but it feels good to exercise in the morning when it snows.
• Maria’s Mom: Don’t think it’s OK to do bad things if it’s not discovered. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. That’s the way we are. But it’s wrong to not feel guilty about what you’ve done wrong.
• Priest: Day like today, it’s good to think of your life a little seriously. …Oh no, I shouldn’t do that… I’ve complained a little unconsciously but… well, that’s what I do, anyway.
• Nina’s Mom: Oh my goodness! No, no, no, nothing like that! You know, something like… thanks…
• Midwife: There’s a useful book over there, about girls,I wrote it.Better read it. [sic]
• Ellen: The stillness of Winter makes me calm down so I love it.
• Drunkard: Oh well,a lot of things happen while you are alive. You just couldn’t go through life if you got mad at everything.
Illusion of Gaia
• Citizen: The Incas who lived here were a tribe without a written language. Their legends are left in song. Even in seemingly meaningless melodies, there is a message.
• Bill: Meet with the Elder. He knows something.
• Woman Next to Salesman: I’m worried. There’s been a lot of strange merchants lately doing business…
• Salesman Next to Woman: I travel around to people’s houses selling weapons used to fight demons. We may live in troubled times, but I won’t sell a weapon to a child.
• Citizen: It’s the little things in life that make you rich or poor. Well, heard any good stories?
• Seth’s Father: What’s wrong with having a little fun with my hard-earned money!!
• Seth’s Mother: It’s no joke! That man! I put up with it for Seth’s sake, but if it weren’t for him, I’d have left long ago!
• Jeweler Gem: I am the Jeweler Gem. I control the Seven Seas. I’m holding [unit] of the Red Jewels for you. What’s your business? [Option 1: Just wanted to see you] Is that right. How do you do. Once you hold up the Red Jewels, you’ll have to come running to my place. I am a famous master of disguises. If you saw me in another town, you wouldn’t know me.
• Citizen: A life lived honestly. A life of fun and laughter.
• Citizen: Listen to me carefully. You’d better not go on the back streets. Just as a rose has thorns, a pretty town has another side.
Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
• Storekeeper: Well howdy, Light Worlder! You look like a straight shooter… Want to try your skill in my shooting gallery? I’ll give you five shots for 20 Rupees. If you’re as sharp as I think you are, you stand to rake in the Rupees. How about it, stranger? [No way] Well little partner, you can turn yourself right around and leave the same way you came in. See you later! Have a nice day!
• Sign: This is the Village of Outcasts. People without Rupees are not welcome here.
• Old Man: Whoa… I saw her. A very nice young lady at the Waterfall of Wishing in the hills where the river begins… Link, you should meet her at least once. I’m sure you will like her.
• Bottle Seller: I’m all sold out of bottles. Come back later, OK?
• Sign next to soldier: [Picture of Link] WANTED! This is the criminal who kidnapped Zelda. Call a soldier if you see him!
• Citizen: I haven’t had a chance to trim my hedges recently. Thanks for visiting anyways… A while ago, there was a boy in this village who could talk to animals with his Flute. He had a pet bird that flew with him everywhere, but he went to the mountain and never returned.
• Fortune Teller: Hmmm… Yuo look like you might have an interesting destiny… May I tell your fortunte? I’ll make it cheap… [Not interested] It is indeed a poor man who is not interested in his future… I’ll be waiting for your return.
• Sick Kid: Sniffle… I hope I get well soon… Cough cough…
• Sign: This way to the Lost Woods
• Link: This is it! The Master Sword! … … … No, this can’t be it… Too bad.
• Citizen: Thanks for all you’ve done. At first I thought you were strange, but you’re dependable!!
• Citizen: ………. ……Sign..
• Police Officer: Hmmph… You’ll probably be a little more useful than your father.
• Police Officer: Hey! You! You can’t come in the police station without permission!
• Rose: What have you been doing? Oh… That’s great, kid.
• Mayor: I’ve been expecting you for a long time now. Wah hah hah.
• Citizen: The Mayor doesn’t do any work at all. He’s fired every staff member who’s said anything about it! No matter what, his secretary, Rose, does everything. I’m so ashamed!
• Citizen: Are you the one who found the lost children? Had I known there was a reward, I would have looked harder.
• Old Man: Nice weather today. Want to talk a while? [No, thanks.] Hmmm… Lonely…
• Sign: “Recently Hackers have been seen near here. Report any suspicious persons! Rococo Police”
Secret of Evermore
• Citizen: Was that you that we saw flying on the back of that four-winged bird? Nice!
• Fire Eyes: Thanks for all your help, [That Guy]. Let me know if you find a passage back to Podunk. Would you like to equip or unequip your spells? [Not right now.]
• Citizen: The hero returns! You’re always welcome in our village, [That Guy.]
• Citizen: A brute named Tiny dropped a boulder on me boss. I’d like to thank him someday.
• Guard that is easy to walk around: Don’t try to get around me and enter the palace grounds. I’m warning you, I’m quick–quick like the wind.
• Guard: Please adhere to the following rule of the city square: No swimming, No swearing, No laughing, No crying, No talking out of turn, No line dancing, No moose calling, No sword play, No pumpkin carving, No mummified cat juggling, No wallowing in your own self pity, No circumstantial evidence, No walking on the grass, No pancakes on Monday, No dessert until you eat your vegetables, No slapstick comedy, No balloon animals, And absolutely, positively, No barking like a seal. It upsets me.
• Citizen: The world has been so confusing lately. I may become a follower of the Sacred Chicken.
• Citizen: Somebody is watching over us… controlling us. It’s true, I tell you. It’s true! We are merely sprites that dance at the beck and call of our button-pressing overlord. This is a video game. Don’t you see? We are characters in a video game.
• Citizen: First we lived in Ebon Keep, then we lived in Ivor Tower. Now we live in Ebon Keep again. I’m getting a little confused and I’m quite tired of moving.
• Citizen: I protect the statue. It’s a very important job. I used to protect a shrub.
Secret of Mana
• Citizen: …… Don’t you ever shut up? I don’t want to talk to you!
• Citizen: Why are you talking to me? I don’t know anything!
• Citizen: Mana sustains the cosmos… …but is not infinite… People no longer cherish life… So Mana is fading away.
• Watts: Whew! That’s some climb, huh!?
• Citizen: It’s waaaaaater!
• Citizen: This here island’s really a turtle shell!
• Citizen: You’re in the heart of theca stle. [sic]
• Citizen: The Empire’ll never take this castle!
• Soldier: Something evil about that Dark Stalker…
• Re-purposed Enemy Sprite: We aren’t equipped to fight monsters.
Super Mario RPG
• Citizen: Hey, Mario! Look what you’re standin’ in! [Jump] HA! Gotcha!
• Gaz: It’s gonna be a little lonely without you, but… hey, I can handle it.
• Boshi: (What’re YOU lookin’ at? If you wanna challenge me, you have to bring Cookies!)
• Citizen: “Mi”, a name I call myself! “Ti”, a drink of jam and bread! Oops! That’s… not really how it goes. I’m just bored. But if you go to the mountain, they’ll sing you the real song.
• Apprentice: Mario! Let me show you what I’ve learned in my classes so far. I’ll be Snifit 4 if I beat you! …………maybe. [Fight] Whaaa…… Now they’ll make me take the training course over again.
• Bellhop: Please, make yourself at home. Now I shall be on my way… [Looks like he wants a TIP…] [Will you give him one? (Sure, why not?)] THANK YOU very much, sir! Please enjoy your stay here.
• Star Road Wish: I wish for everyone to be happy.
• Elder: Smithy and his gang have disrupted business around here. Why don’t you help us out and do some shopping before you leave?
• Treasure Chest: You think you’ve found them all, but there are still 1 left.
• Citizen: Go up those steps, and you’ll find the royal bus that goes to the volcano. It’s pretty cool.
So if you don’t have your old copy of EarthBound anymore or any of your other SNES games, give them another go. If you never had the chance to play EarthBound when it came out either due to bad marketing or apprehension relating to the graphics, or now due to the price of legal copies of the game, before the end of the year, you’ll be able to play it legally for the first time in close to 20 years. To be sure, EarthBound and other SNES games are dated. Their worlds have an innocence that our world lacks, but they still hold up and are great ways to spend your evenings when you’re not doing research.
Posted on April 18, 2013, in Occurrences, Video Games and tagged chrono trigger, earthbound, ff4, ff6, final fantasy 4, final fantasy 6, harvest moon, illusion of gaia, legend of zelda, robotrek, secret of evermore, secret of mana, super mario rpg, zelda. Bookmark the permalink. 20 Comments.